Monday, June 12, 2006

i was just sitting there. honestly. i was just hoping someone would compromise so i wouldnt have to do wad i tot of doing. but den at that very moment i just really prayed. i just felt the Holy Spirit take over. and simple verses like no weapon formed against you will prosper that all thing work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according His purpose and that He will make u the head and not the tail, that you shall be the head only and never the tail. and it was only den i decided i would throw away that carnal mind for that second and give it up but i decided first, i shall give it a second thought.

i looked across to that fren that i had really come to know. he was a nice guy. a capable one too. and i just looked at his crestfallen face and i just felt so sorry for him. and i tot of myself for a moment. and i was like. hey, i can be creative too sometimes and besides i always wanted to learn html code, maybe this is a good opportunity to learn. den i tot. is it all bout sympathy? so we went back into that discussion. i really didnt want to regret my final decision nor play mr noble. i just tot. hey, this guy has such passion, his attitude may not be in the right place in saying he ll be half hearted in other stuff but look at his passion. let that passion on his inside affect everything on the outside. i believe he had the potential. to do a great job with welfare. so i felt. hey. give it up man!

honestly, at first for the first 15 mins. when reality finally got back and hit me straight in my face. it was in a sense a bitter pill to swallow. but i was really proud of myself today. that i responded to God's voice. I believe wadever committee he puts me in, he ll give me the capacity to do a good job. and i just really wanted to shine for Him and plant that seed into each and every person present. thank you Father for letting me shine for You!

anyway. i m head of PUBCO, no, i dun go clubbing, haha, i m in charge of publicity and designing stuff. i really have a vision. its not really my vision la. its a vision that God planted into my head on the way home. somewhat from what pastor Kong preached over the last few weeks. and i guess that if i m gonna be in PUBCO, lets make it the best PUBCO! we can go a long way man. and i love the click five cd!

after the whole SC meeting, went to lot 1 for awhile. had that chocolate oreo drink. last time i drank something from the lot 1 sweetalk, it was sour man. heh. guess it was a step of faith. lol. den the person meeting me finally showed up. i dunno la. just that really insecure feeling u know. i m just kinda thankful that i didnt yield to the temptation and breakdown or something or just hug her or anything if not die liao. but u know i was sitting in that train. trying to take my mind off stuff and enjoy God's creation. staring at the clouds, the architecture of the buildings. but i just couldnt. how could i share her with someone else. honestly, i just feel so resentful. oh wells. i dunno la. i just feel that time is such a factor. may now its all me. but time goes on. what if there are second thoughts. and i see almost the same beginnings between the two of you that the two of us had. i m sorry. love for me is kinda selfish but i know its not meant to be. love is meant to selfless. den i stared at her for a moment. i was thinking. ya man. if i give her up, if i seek ye first the kingdom of God, i know i ll get someone customized for me, i will get these things added unto me. but den i looked again and i tot, i ve met great gals. honestly, but ur still the best to me? maybe its just jealousy, cus i dunno if i cant even share an ice cream with you, or touch ur hand, let alone draw on it...

running for president was just me looking if God really wanted me there. but i believe that God really didnt want me to have something i could not handle. my dream job was actually RECO or WELCO, there were stuff that i had to give up today. they were fine cus i felt i could customize and adapt to this new job. but if the time ever comes to give you up to someone else. i really question if i can do it...


i m just afraid of losing you. i m scared that two, three years down the road. when the person i m waiting for has disappeared. when that person i loved with all my heart other than God has becomed a fantasy, a figment of what i thought it to be...

|cowpoo| 7:40 PM|

------